I have a massive ego. Huge. I think I'm better than you. I am better than you. This is how I think. Someone is cleverer than me, well then I'm a more likeable person. Someone is more popular than me, then their just an attention whore. Someone is better looking, well let's face it, they're probably pretty thick....
My mind has worked liked this for as long as I can remember. Having an ego this big is a mixed bag. On the one hand, it compels me to succeed: failure, for me, is crushing so I chooose to succeed. It gets me the things in life that I want. It drives me.
On the other hand, as I say, failure is a nightmare. I can't cope with it. I can't admit it to myself, I can't admit it to other people. Why the fuck would they want to know anyway?
As I said in my opening blog, I recently got the sack from a drugs worker job for...taking drugs. This has been pretty hard on me. My ego is most certainly dented. In fact, it's fucking killing me. My mood is swinging so much I don't know whether to jump off a building, shoot up a playground, skullfuck an alsation or all three.
Yet I also know that it's my ego that will make me bounce back. No fucking way am I gonna pass any of my old colleagues in the high-street and be doing anything other than smirking at them for sticking in the same old job on shit wages, no doubt moaning about the same things they always did, same bosses giving them the same grief.
Got a prozac prescription this morning - these blogs will cheer up soon!!!!
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